I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
