Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
