I need help removing her.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
