I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i now understand why vodka
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
