I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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