I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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