cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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