I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
