I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
