Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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