I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
