**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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