The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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