Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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