Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I deserve this hangover.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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