I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
