he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize