just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it penis luge time yet?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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