Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize