ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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