Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
