Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
