It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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