i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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