Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drunk is a universal language darling
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
