i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
