So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
