I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
