I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
