everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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