So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
