Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He shit in the fireplace
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