Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
