Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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