I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
