He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
