i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
