Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
not ubering you a puppy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
