I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
