it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
