i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I cut my penus on the lid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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