Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize