Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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