And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
