dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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