I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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