I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize