She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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