I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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