I hate all girls vehemently.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
