why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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