booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
