Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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