it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
