she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
