lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize