Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize