I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
