You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
