which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
