Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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