Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize