She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
