Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
