If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
