hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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