he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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