woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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