i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
