I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
