So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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