New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
