i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
