i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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