You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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