i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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