you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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